We get all warm and moist when we hear about a "STUDENT-athlete" (at another school, of course) who can't read, can't spell, doesn't go to class, carrying a D average and so on. We are shocked, SHOCKED I tell you that the system has failed this young man. Why oh why did he not get the educational assist he needed way back in the _ grade? Had a kindly school teacher, backed by the school Principal, backed by the parent(s), backed by the School Board NOT take that child out of sports until such time as he is educationally appropriate for his age??? Why indeed.
Having spent the last few months having a beer with several teachers - current and retired - I can explain the earth shattering reason. Nobody cares.
The teacher who, somewhere around the 8th grade discovers that little Johnny can't read is told by the parent that little Johnny has a future in the NBA or the NFL, where someone will read TO him if he needs to know something. Little Johnny is 5'11" in the 8th grade and Mom KNOWS that Daddy (a sky-walker at 5'10", 165 lb) gave little JOhnny the genes to probably grow to 6'9" and 225. So Johnny just needs to work on his "J", get tougher going to the hole and perhaps even learn the basics of a zone defense. The defense may or may not come into play, Johnny is good for 9 points a game IN THE 8TH GRADE, so defense is someone elses' problem.
So, no Mr teacher you may not sit JOhnny until he can read and NO Mr. Teacher you may not hold him back a year. The high school coach from the next town - the guy who goes to the State finals at least every other year - has stopped by and he can find a ride for Johnny so he can attend No Class High School. The coach promised us Little Johnny will get help with his school work. You know, the kind of (wink wink) help that will not impede Johnny from getting laid - er uh, I mean working on his Sweet J and his ball handling. Since momma says no to the extra work and holding him back, this June Johnny will become a high school freshman - illiterate - but a freshman.
It turns out Johnny's maternal grandfather was a strapping man of 6'2" so Johnny's gene pool helps him where a tutor can't. Johnny is 6'2" as a sophomore - an illiterate sophomore who think "sophomore" contains an f and only two o's. Oh well, Johnny has worked on his J and his ball handling. He is expected to lead his Tardville Tards back to the State tournament next year. Johnny CAN BALL, baby. The girls love him - literally and figuratively, JOhnny is a missing father who doesn't know the last name of the girl who produced a child for him. Details, details.
Johnny averages 22 points a game as a senior. Not bad for a whiz-bang guard with blazing hands and who can dribble like Curly Neal and defend like a telephone pole. The "factory managers" know Johnny and they know Johnny's mom too! Coach Purebred, from good ol State U hopes to lure Johnny with a promise of a quality education, great living conditions, and a pretty sound ball program. Johnny listens to the pitch and says "What else you got"?
Coach Slick from one of the famed colleges of basketball wonders tells Johnny he can offer him a swell school with lots of big buildings he might want to visit from time to time. The short kids call them classrooms, but fear not Johnny, YOUR class work (now that's funny) will be done in your apartment, feel free to stay and watch how it is done - provided it doesn't interfere with practice, film study, weights and maybe a ride in the country in your car! "Uh, I ain't got no car". You will Johnny, we will get you a great deal from a former student who owns a car dealership.
"I want Mom to see me play". Oh she will Johnny, she will. We are offiering your mom a job in the athletic department as a program advisor. This job comes with an apartment and car. Your mom will always be in the stands. We will also find a spot for Coach Weasel, your AAU manager who has veto power over your college choice.
So Johnny goes off to college, plays four years, though never a starter. After the final game Johnny is told he has 14 credit hours and thus is not on track to graduate. His mom's job is being phased out and his AAU coach is going to prison for giving illegal gifts to you when you were in high school. Good bye Johnny.
Why is there not a NATIONAL exam that tells us whether a player - I mean STUDENT-athlete - is prepared to do classwork at a collegiate level? Maybe look at HS transcripts? What's that? WE DO TEST KIDS?
Then it looks to me like someone is cheating.
Very easy to fix. Tell EVERYONE involved that FOUR years from now (I know how the courts work) every athletic scholarship athlete will be compelled to get __ on his ACT and/or ____ on his SAT. He must also have a genuine HS diploma and a 2.0 GPA from HS. The transcript MUST have the basics of HS learning to get into college.
Any coach who directs, assiste, plans or is any way associated with getting a player in who doesn't belong in will be fired and be ineligible to coach at any college, university, trade school, AAU or YMCA for a period of three years. He may be in trouble with the legal community if he committed fraud or some other exotic criminal activity.
The kids starting HS next year will then KNOW they have to diagram a sentence, add a column of numbers, speak the King's English, and tell us who won World War I and World War II in order to go to college. It isn't racist, it isn't sexist or any other ist; it is a rule to get students to be student-athlete.
And that's why you've never seen a unicorn, to this very day.
Having spent the last few months having a beer with several teachers - current and retired - I can explain the earth shattering reason. Nobody cares.
The teacher who, somewhere around the 8th grade discovers that little Johnny can't read is told by the parent that little Johnny has a future in the NBA or the NFL, where someone will read TO him if he needs to know something. Little Johnny is 5'11" in the 8th grade and Mom KNOWS that Daddy (a sky-walker at 5'10", 165 lb) gave little JOhnny the genes to probably grow to 6'9" and 225. So Johnny just needs to work on his "J", get tougher going to the hole and perhaps even learn the basics of a zone defense. The defense may or may not come into play, Johnny is good for 9 points a game IN THE 8TH GRADE, so defense is someone elses' problem.
So, no Mr teacher you may not sit JOhnny until he can read and NO Mr. Teacher you may not hold him back a year. The high school coach from the next town - the guy who goes to the State finals at least every other year - has stopped by and he can find a ride for Johnny so he can attend No Class High School. The coach promised us Little Johnny will get help with his school work. You know, the kind of (wink wink) help that will not impede Johnny from getting laid - er uh, I mean working on his Sweet J and his ball handling. Since momma says no to the extra work and holding him back, this June Johnny will become a high school freshman - illiterate - but a freshman.
It turns out Johnny's maternal grandfather was a strapping man of 6'2" so Johnny's gene pool helps him where a tutor can't. Johnny is 6'2" as a sophomore - an illiterate sophomore who think "sophomore" contains an f and only two o's. Oh well, Johnny has worked on his J and his ball handling. He is expected to lead his Tardville Tards back to the State tournament next year. Johnny CAN BALL, baby. The girls love him - literally and figuratively, JOhnny is a missing father who doesn't know the last name of the girl who produced a child for him. Details, details.
Johnny averages 22 points a game as a senior. Not bad for a whiz-bang guard with blazing hands and who can dribble like Curly Neal and defend like a telephone pole. The "factory managers" know Johnny and they know Johnny's mom too! Coach Purebred, from good ol State U hopes to lure Johnny with a promise of a quality education, great living conditions, and a pretty sound ball program. Johnny listens to the pitch and says "What else you got"?
Coach Slick from one of the famed colleges of basketball wonders tells Johnny he can offer him a swell school with lots of big buildings he might want to visit from time to time. The short kids call them classrooms, but fear not Johnny, YOUR class work (now that's funny) will be done in your apartment, feel free to stay and watch how it is done - provided it doesn't interfere with practice, film study, weights and maybe a ride in the country in your car! "Uh, I ain't got no car". You will Johnny, we will get you a great deal from a former student who owns a car dealership.
"I want Mom to see me play". Oh she will Johnny, she will. We are offiering your mom a job in the athletic department as a program advisor. This job comes with an apartment and car. Your mom will always be in the stands. We will also find a spot for Coach Weasel, your AAU manager who has veto power over your college choice.
So Johnny goes off to college, plays four years, though never a starter. After the final game Johnny is told he has 14 credit hours and thus is not on track to graduate. His mom's job is being phased out and his AAU coach is going to prison for giving illegal gifts to you when you were in high school. Good bye Johnny.
Why is there not a NATIONAL exam that tells us whether a player - I mean STUDENT-athlete - is prepared to do classwork at a collegiate level? Maybe look at HS transcripts? What's that? WE DO TEST KIDS?
Then it looks to me like someone is cheating.
Very easy to fix. Tell EVERYONE involved that FOUR years from now (I know how the courts work) every athletic scholarship athlete will be compelled to get __ on his ACT and/or ____ on his SAT. He must also have a genuine HS diploma and a 2.0 GPA from HS. The transcript MUST have the basics of HS learning to get into college.
Any coach who directs, assiste, plans or is any way associated with getting a player in who doesn't belong in will be fired and be ineligible to coach at any college, university, trade school, AAU or YMCA for a period of three years. He may be in trouble with the legal community if he committed fraud or some other exotic criminal activity.
The kids starting HS next year will then KNOW they have to diagram a sentence, add a column of numbers, speak the King's English, and tell us who won World War I and World War II in order to go to college. It isn't racist, it isn't sexist or any other ist; it is a rule to get students to be student-athlete.
And that's why you've never seen a unicorn, to this very day.
